All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today.
Ralph Ransom

There’s no doubt that being a stepparent is one of the most difficult roles any adult will ever assume.it’s true that it’s difficult to see things through someone else eyes if you haven’t walked in their shoes. I married my husband with the package that came with him,his son from his late wife,i entered the relationship with an open and a candid heart not knowing the basic definition of the role that i was about to play and so was not alert to the sensitivities attached to the role of a stepparent.I didn’t know that it was not a workable situation for a stepparent to be a direct disciplinarian because disciplining your non biological children is fraught with danger, since it’s likely to create resentment on the part of your spouse. All these i learn as time goes on because this role didn’t come with a manual. Although i found out that the biological parent should be the one to deliver an initial consequence for misbehavior, but this was not the case in my situation i was left to handle everything. I can’t not discuss his misbehavior without a stiff reaction from my husband it doesn’t always come in words but i notice his facial expression.

Most times i have to be very careful not to be perceived as playing favorites through a double standard in which my children enjoy a better standard of treatment than my stepson. This is why i try to let my husband know everything that is going on in the house,sometimes i can’t really make him understand my pains and frustrations and i can’t talk to an outsider about it because it makes me feel like a failure,as if i did not play my part well and i know that some will say that am complaining because he is not my biological son.I have tried in the early stages to actually quantify and balance the time, activities and money spent on my stepson.I always remember that this child is like passenger on this train. He didn’t get an opportunity to choose whether he wanted a new family member.As a stepparent i am also aware that the child may be experiencing a fair amount of emotional confusion but since i was added to the family when the child was young,i thought that i will most likely be able to build a close relationship with my stepson. That part was easy because we were very close and he never for one day suspected that i was not his biological mother and if you are a neighbor,visitor or a friend in my house you will never know too unless i tell you.

Ask any mum or dad and they’ll tell you that every stage children go through has its own unique challenges, but for stepparents, the difficulties can be especially troublesome since stepparents may not have the support of others, who sometimes view them as somehow less involved than “real” parents. Many stepparents take responsibility for a great deal of the day-to-day care of their step-kids, though, and on top of that, are likely to encounter a few hurdles that natural parents never have to consider. Raising kids can be stressful enough, but for step parenting, the pressures can be even greater.

The best communication in the world cannot prevent people from disagreeing from time to time, but as long as all family members respect each others viewpoints, there is no harm in seeing things from a different prospective. Trouble arises when people are determined to be ‘right,’ so much so that they feel the need to minimize the importance of anyone else opinions. Neither adults nor children enjoy being made to feel as if their input has no value, so parents and stepparents who wish to create home environments where all members are honored and valued need to make it a point offer not only their own ideas, but take those of other family members into consideration, as well. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     May 14, 2010       14 comments  

This is written by my son Chinedu you can check his other articles in the category Chinedu’s essay
Well, this all started when my family and I were in France. I went to school called “British School of Paris” and I started in ‘Year 3′ at the last term. As the years were passing, I was going to each stage of the school until I reached ‘Year 6′. So we stayed in France for 3-4 years, and I thought we were going to my home country direct. But we were traveling to South Korea which was in Asia, below China and it was half way around the world from France.
It took 13 hours on the plane to travel from France to South Korea. When we reached I went to a school called ‘Taejon Christian International School’ (TCIS), it was an American School so I had to start from ‘Grade 6′ and this is how I started boarding school. In this school my house master’s help me improve a lot and I got a total of 7 awards from that school. I only stayed 1 year in the school and when school was over I stayed at home. Our next destination was in my home country ‘Nigeria’. While we were still in South Korea and packing, my mum warned me that we were going to Nigeria and there was not any automatic taking to another class because there was first, second and third and it wouldn’t be easy.
When we were in Nigeria my parent were looking for a suitable school was ‘Citizen College’ which was a boarding school, but my parents didn’t like the way the boarding house was. The next school was ‘Caleb College’, I stayed there for 2 weeks and my dad had to waste N300, 000 just because they didn’t like the house. My uncle found a school for me that was called ‘Nigerian Navy Secondary School’ which you should know about. In the first and second term, what you would see in my result is a red F. Anyway my parents said that they were not serious because they said it was above average.
So my parents took me to another school called ‘Chrisland High school’ which was a Nigerian /British organization. So I had to be in ‘Year 8′. My Mum was dead serious about this school and showed me the amount of money that was more than N500, 000. My mum told me that if I don’t pass, I would go and live with my Great Grandma. So I studied hard for both C.A. Test. When Exams came out was time for me to be very serious with my studies and everyday after school it was straight to my books. When exams were over, we were always looking at our results while we were playing in class, I would have come first in maybe some subjects, this because they would have divided all the results that you got in the session by three but they divided mine by one because I came in the last term anyway our teacher gave us our position for the last term in the class and my GPA was 2.00 which was the least but I still passed, because if you got less than 2.00 you are repeating and I either came 11th or 12th in the class out of 15. And i was so happy for myself that I was going to ‘Year 9′ which would be harder.

  Posted By tyna     Aug 2, 2009       5 comments  

I can’t believe it’s a year already since the last time we celebrated here.On behalf of my kids i wish him the very best in the remaining years of his life.Hoping and wishing that he has outgrown his mid life crisis.We are going to have fun all day and live the rest of our lives one day at a time. Happy Birthday to my best friend,lover,husband and father to my wonderful (although sometimes pain in the neck) but most times lovely kids. Guys send all your birthday greetings to the comment box.

  Posted By tyna     Jun 10, 2009       3 comments  

This is a continuation of the last post by Chinedu (here )you like to read that first for better understanding of the situation at hand.You advice is highly needed,well in the comment section.

One day like that after the barber finishing barbing my hair I went to the tap to wash my hair, but since water wasn’t rushing. I went toward my hostel to go and change to my check. Then Mr. Johnson (navy man) came and told every one should come to him and line up and started giving everyone three each with his military belt, that time I wasn’t wearing anything on top and after he gave me three, that is when the koboko came. He was flogging us because it was time for afternoon prep and we did not hear the bell. But the boys that had marks on their back that were not wearing top went to report to XO (Executive Officer, Uncle Kelvin’s mate) she told us to go to the sick bay for treatment.
Another one was the one that I told you about the nail that cut my arm. It was not a nail, it was a navy man called “red army” that did it to me. I was busy washing my clothes and then everyone started running away; I started wondering what was happening, so I ran to. Then red army caught some people hiding, including me, I told us to hang (legs on the wall and hands on the ground) and I was the first person he floged with one big cane on my arm and back, both places were bleeding seriously. I reported to the sickbay and lied that it was a nail that caused it, because I didn’t want trouble with that red army again, and that was when the commandant came to the sickbay.
Stealing is a common thing in this school if you lock your locker, at night seniors will start jacking and breaking padlocks and steal one of your belongings and they will leave your locker open, or if you leave your school bag in the class and then someone will come to your class and then steal your notebook or something else they interested in.
In this school, you have to give and if you are a stingy person and you don’t like giving. Everyone will start fixing you (navy slang: focusing, disturbing you) and will hate you, they might take your clothes and burn them and start stealing your belongings. Plus if seniors are focusing on you, they might do the worst things for you.
When we are in class and the teacher is not around, my classmates start making noise and running around. And then a navy man or teacher will start punishing the whole class or will cane all of us. When one teacher gives us something to do and she counts to a certain number, for us to submit, and if you don’t submit during the count he/she wouldn’t accept your work. If you are coming back from break and you enter the class after the teacher, he/she will tell you to stay outside until the period is over.
Some of my seniors and mates ask me where I am from and tell them about my family, and then they ask me whether I like this school and I answer “no.” After, they asked me whether I want to transfer and I answer “yes,” then they said I should tell my parents that I don’t like this school and I want to transfer, because I don’t fit in this school.

  Posted By tyna     Apr 13, 2009       8 comments  

Happy Easter! I hope you are all having fun.You all remember my son Chinedu if you don’t you might like to check his essays on this (blog).We got to Nigeria and sent him to school and never knew that he was going through emotional and physical torture in that school,this wasn’t the first school under one year the first one isn’t worth wasting my valuable time to write about not minding the huge sum of money we paid that was not refunded after he spent only two weeks there.We are trying to give him the best but after these two schools am going to try once more with fingers crossed that i will nail it this time. Read his experience written by him and advice me on what i should do about what he went through, i happen to know about this during this Easter holidays,what actions should i take when school resumes?

It began when I was in the car and as I was entering the school. I read “Nigerian Navy Secondary School” “Hard work and Discipline.” That is when I knew that it wouldn’t be easy staying in this school.
As I was writing my names on my property, my school father whose name was senior Basheri who was in SSS3 explained to me that I have to be wise in this school, that this school is very different from other schools.
When I finished, we went for prep, on the way we met a tall senior wearing spec (which I later knew that he is the senior prefect). He brought out his hand between senior Basheri and I, and nothing happened for a few seconds, so I brought my hand to shake his hand. Then he said “Who the f*** are you? After senior Basheri told him who I was and I told him my name. The tall senior told me that I better be careful in this school, as soon as the senior left I started crying. Senior Basheri asked me why I was crying, then I answered that I was scared of seniors.
It was time for prep and senior Basheri took me to the hall to go and prep with my mates. After prep we went to our hostel, did our night prayer and went to bed. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     Apr 12, 2009       2 comments