Being A Step Mother.
All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today.
Ralph Ransom
There’s no doubt that being a stepparent is one of the most difficult roles any adult will ever assume.it’s true that it’s difficult to see things through someone else eyes if you haven’t walked in their shoes. I married my husband with the package that came with him,his son from his late wife,i entered the relationship with an open and a candid heart not knowing the basic definition of the role that i was about to play and so was not alert to the sensitivities attached to the role of a stepparent.I didn’t know that it was not a workable situation for a stepparent to be a direct disciplinarian because disciplining your non biological children is fraught with danger, since it’s likely to create resentment on the part of your spouse. All these i learn as time goes on because this role didn’t come with a manual. Although i found out that the biological parent should be the one to deliver an initial consequence for misbehavior, but this was not the case in my situation i was left to handle everything. I can’t not discuss his misbehavior without a stiff reaction from my husband it doesn’t always come in words but i notice his facial expression.
Most times i have to be very careful not to be perceived as playing favorites through a double standard in which my children enjoy a better standard of treatment than my stepson. This is why i try to let my husband know everything that is going on in the house,sometimes i can’t really make him understand my pains and frustrations and i can’t talk to an outsider about it because it makes me feel like a failure,as if i did not play my part well and i know that some will say that am complaining because he is not my biological son.I have tried in the early stages to actually quantify and balance the time, activities and money spent on my stepson.I always remember that this child is like passenger on this train. He didn’t get an opportunity to choose whether he wanted a new family member.As a stepparent i am also aware that the child may be experiencing a fair amount of emotional confusion but since i was added to the family when the child was young,i thought that i will most likely be able to build a close relationship with my stepson. That part was easy because we were very close and he never for one day suspected that i was not his biological mother and if you are a neighbor,visitor or a friend in my house you will never know too unless i tell you.
Ask any mum or dad and they’ll tell you that every stage children go through has its own unique challenges, but for stepparents, the difficulties can be especially troublesome since stepparents may not have the support of others, who sometimes view them as somehow less involved than “real” parents. Many stepparents take responsibility for a great deal of the day-to-day care of their step-kids, though, and on top of that, are likely to encounter a few hurdles that natural parents never have to consider. Raising kids can be stressful enough, but for step parenting, the pressures can be even greater.
The best communication in the world cannot prevent people from disagreeing from time to time, but as long as all family members respect each others viewpoints, there is no harm in seeing things from a different prospective. Trouble arises when people are determined to be ‘right,’ so much so that they feel the need to minimize the importance of anyone else opinions. Neither adults nor children enjoy being made to feel as if their input has no value, so parents and stepparents who wish to create home environments where all members are honored and valued need to make it a point offer not only their own ideas, but take those of other family members into consideration, as well. (more…)






Posted By tyna
May 14, 2010













