All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today.
Ralph Ransom

There’s no doubt that being a stepparent is one of the most difficult roles any adult will ever assume.it’s true that it’s difficult to see things through someone else eyes if you haven’t walked in their shoes. I married my husband with the package that came with him,his son from his late wife,i entered the relationship with an open and a candid heart not knowing the basic definition of the role that i was about to play and so was not alert to the sensitivities attached to the role of a stepparent.I didn’t know that it was not a workable situation for a stepparent to be a direct disciplinarian because disciplining your non biological children is fraught with danger, since it’s likely to create resentment on the part of your spouse. All these i learn as time goes on because this role didn’t come with a manual. Although i found out that the biological parent should be the one to deliver an initial consequence for misbehavior, but this was not the case in my situation i was left to handle everything. I can’t not discuss his misbehavior without a stiff reaction from my husband it doesn’t always come in words but i notice his facial expression.

Most times i have to be very careful not to be perceived as playing favorites through a double standard in which my children enjoy a better standard of treatment than my stepson. This is why i try to let my husband know everything that is going on in the house,sometimes i can’t really make him understand my pains and frustrations and i can’t talk to an outsider about it because it makes me feel like a failure,as if i did not play my part well and i know that some will say that am complaining because he is not my biological son.I have tried in the early stages to actually quantify and balance the time, activities and money spent on my stepson.I always remember that this child is like passenger on this train. He didn’t get an opportunity to choose whether he wanted a new family member.As a stepparent i am also aware that the child may be experiencing a fair amount of emotional confusion but since i was added to the family when the child was young,i thought that i will most likely be able to build a close relationship with my stepson. That part was easy because we were very close and he never for one day suspected that i was not his biological mother and if you are a neighbor,visitor or a friend in my house you will never know too unless i tell you.

Ask any mum or dad and they’ll tell you that every stage children go through has its own unique challenges, but for stepparents, the difficulties can be especially troublesome since stepparents may not have the support of others, who sometimes view them as somehow less involved than “real” parents. Many stepparents take responsibility for a great deal of the day-to-day care of their step-kids, though, and on top of that, are likely to encounter a few hurdles that natural parents never have to consider. Raising kids can be stressful enough, but for step parenting, the pressures can be even greater.

The best communication in the world cannot prevent people from disagreeing from time to time, but as long as all family members respect each others viewpoints, there is no harm in seeing things from a different prospective. Trouble arises when people are determined to be ‘right,’ so much so that they feel the need to minimize the importance of anyone else opinions. Neither adults nor children enjoy being made to feel as if their input has no value, so parents and stepparents who wish to create home environments where all members are honored and valued need to make it a point offer not only their own ideas, but take those of other family members into consideration, as well. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     May 14, 2010       14 comments  

…I have always sought to be understood and, while I was taken to task by critics or colleagues, I thought they were right, assuming I had not been clear enough to be understood. This assumption allowed me to work my whole life without hatred and even without bitterness toward criticism, regardless of its source. I counted solely on the clarity of expression of my work to gain my ends. Hatred, rancor, and the spirit of vengeance are useless baggage to the artist. His road is difficult enough for him to cleanse his soul of everything which could make it more so.
………..Henri Matisse

The last time i checked the facebook news feed says “what’s on your mind” and not what does your friends want you to write about. Most times when i update my status people will start telling me what i should post on facebook and what i should not post. Most times i wonder if i should even answer them or keep quiet but i would rather write what’s on my mind than write what will please my friends. I use writing as a channel to express myself and since i have not mastered the art of diplomacy in expressing myself i write as it is. I honestly don’t care if someone comments on my facebook status or not but if they do am pleased it shows that someone took out time from his or her busy schedule to read my rants. I write so plainly and still people misunderstands me what if i start to use big grammars and code in some of my writings what will happen then. Have anyone really bothered to find out what makes me the kind of person that i am? I use to hate some of my lecturers who wanted me to draw and design the way they want without allowing me to grow as an artist, to be creative and be heard through my works.As an individual my personality should be visible in all that i do i can’t change who i am to please anyone. When i started my blog i wanted it to be an avenue for me to express my feelings which i could not share with any one because apart from my hubby there was really no one to share those feelings and thoughts with. Am not the best of friends with so many people because they can’t stand the truth,you can’t be my friend and expect me to curry favour issues with you. People start complaining that am too open in my blog that i should not write certain things do you know that if i should write all that is in my mind the whole internet will not contain it,i have tried to restrict my writings what happened i stop updating my blog because its either i write it as it or i don’t. I am an artist and not a politician or a diplomat those are the ones who are always diplomatic and worries about what people think or say about them, in terms of electing them next time. There have been times in my life that i have wanted to speak to some one about my fears,pains and joys but found no one but my facebook status update does it for me. I might not know your reason for joining Facebook but i know why i did,Facebook was an avenue for me to meet old friends and make new ones,it was a place i stayed in contact with happenings in my country while i was away in a strange land.I believed that i could share my joy,my sorrow and my confusions and get unbiased opinions. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     May 11, 2010       2 comments  

Dear friend,
I am Madam Myntoo Omer and I have been suffering from Ovarian cancer deseed and the doctor says that I have just two days to live. I am a Jordanian Woman. But base in Africa Burkina Faso for more than Ten years now as a merchant in cocoa and cotton exportation. Now that I am about to end the race of life like this, without any family members and no child.

I have $2.5 Million US DOLLARS. Two Million Five Houndred Thousand Us Dollars in Africa Development Bank(ADB) Burkina Faso which I instructed the bank to give to orphanage home here in Burkina Faso . But my mind is not at rest as I am writing this letter now through the help of my computer beside my sick bed.I also have ($4.5 Million US Dollars) Four Million Five Houndred Thousand Us Dollars at Ecobank here in Burkina Faso and I have instructed the bank to transfer the money to the first foreigner that will apply to the bank after I have gone so that bank should release the fund to him/her but you will assure me that you will take 50% of the money and give 50% to the orphanage home in your country for my heart to rest. You are to contact the bank through their email and address:

ECOBANK BURKINA FASO
No 770 Avenue du Président Aboubacar Sangoule Lamizana
Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.
ecobankburkinafaso@voila.fr (more…)

  Posted By tyna     May 10, 2010       0 Comments  

Sometimes terminology gets tossed around and we all nod our heads like we understand what’s being said, when we don’t.  I thought I would take a few steps back and take a simplistic look at what personal change is, to ensure we’re all nodding our heads in understanding.

When I speak about personal change, I’m describing something personally trans-formative.  The personal transformation can be large or small but somehow you change a bit of who you are.  Personal transformation can be driven by external and internal events.  These events can be prompted by something you control and others “happen to you”.  I use the word event because often times, there is some very real event that occurs and a series of internal changes follow.  Let’s examine these situations, look at examples and why that creates personal transformation.

External Events - An external event is something that happens in your environment.  Examples of external events can be things such as moving, the death of someone, getting hired or fired, starting or finishing school, or children moving out of the house.  On the surface these external events look just that: external to us.  Yet, despite their external nature the internal impact is always there.  The internal impact is not always in portion to the event itself.  This is because we all process the impact in different ways.  I’ll discuss our internal reactions later.

The reason why an external event, even something as simple as moving has an impact on us internally is because it forces us into making changes to accommodate that event.  If you look at moving, you not only have your personal living arrangements completely impacted for a period of time, but you have new neighbors and are leaving old ones, new businesses to learn about and a new place to hang your toothbrush.  You are changing habits and that creates anxiety or discomfort.  You may also be creating a new social network and the dynamics of a new group of people will redefine who you are as well.  Good or bad, you will change who you are even if it is only slightly.  Other events mentioned could change you substantially such as a death of someone close or a job change. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     Mar 25, 2010       0 Comments  

My interview by a Dallas Texas USA based Magazine http://www.obaasema.com/index.htm

Hushed tones fall over the room as guests take their seats. Legs are crossed, red-soled stilettos bob up and down as the lighting is dimmed and all eyes focus on the only visible light.  Nigerian photographer, Tyna Ezenma, readies herself at her tripod to capture the first model to take the runway. She is at Fashion Week in New York, September 2009, and with seemingly endless energy, she invokes the ability to virtually make time stand still. Her view of the world and how photography fits into it is quite poignant.

“The awareness of the importance of photography in the African society is so disappointing. Most people here have not come to realize that photography is an Art, and that people actually studied it as a course. As a female African in a profession dominated by men, I have to work extra hard to prove myself relevant,” remarks Ezenma. Her quest for excellence in this area has certainly been worth the sacrifice.

While in South Korea, relevance was not an issue especially when she had her first photography exhibition. She was the only female and the only black person in the group; this certainly made the experience special, she admits.

“As a female it has been difficult “squatting” at some events to take photographs.”  But being a minority has its advantages. When you find unique angles with which no other photographer might have thought about, you stand out. So the obstacles can become the sole inspiration for finding one’s niche.”

And many have taken note:Several accolades including three international photography awards in the U.S. as well as published works by the International Library of Photography. While in Korea for a year, her work was featured as part of a group exhibition in Ulsan, South Korea, in November of 2007. (more…)

  Posted By tyna     Mar 20, 2010       0 Comments